DIARY OF A PLAYBOY: Welcome to my world

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Hi gals and guys,

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Let me start this column by making a confession. I’m not a bright student yet I ain’t too dull. With a C here and D there, I try to get bye. I love the good things of life especially these daughters of Eve on Campus. No wonder my homies call me Anything-In-Skirt (AIS). I spend most of my days (and nights) hanging out around Amina and of recent, Ribadu Hall doing what y’all know. I’ll try to share my ‘runs’ with you every day of the week.

 

MONDAY

I hate Mondays. The hangovers from weekend ‘runs’ and all that. Went to class for two reasons only. To submit a stupid assignment and to see the object of my affection. Scored zero on both counts. The lecturer, you ought to know him by now, didn’t come and my Beauty failed to show up. What a way to start the week.

 

TUESDAY

Met this chick at the faculty office. A Jambite, from her looks. How did I know?You’ll know if you have been around for as long as I have. To impress her, I said I was in 400Level. She said her name was Tina or Rita or Fina or Nina or Dina or…whatever. Me, I was too excited to listen. Told her I’m da Bestman, Guru Emeritus in all the Social Sciences. Wow! She was bowled over and very impressed to meet a live Guru that she promised to check me in my room tomorrow @6p.m. Can’t wait for the date. Things are really looking up for me!

 

WEDNESDAY

My regular ‘runs’, Beauty came to class looking like the ten plagues of Egypt. Wondered who even gave her Beauty for a name. Said she had chicken pox abi na suya pox who knows? Who cared even? I couldn’t care less if she had H.I.V Aids or SARS. I now have Fina or Rita, Tina or Dina or et al. I told Beauty I shall be going off-campus for Fellowship @6pm and won’t be back until very late. That way she wont come looking for me when I will be entertaining my August visitor.

Got to my room and laid the bed, sprayed the room twice with deodorant, swept all the cobwebs from the ceiling and prepared something nice for my Tina. On the dot of 6pm, I heard a knock on my door. My heart went jigijigi as I moved to open the door. Alas, it was stupid old T.J. Never knew the idiot was so ugly. He wanted to borrow some cubes of sugar to soak garri, as usual. I banged the door on his face that looked like the inside of a Tuwo pot.

Fifteen minutes later, my Tina came in but guess what, when I opened the door? She was with Beauty and another girl. I just collapsed on the bed without a single word.

 

THURSDAY

Too sick to write anything in the diary after yesterday’s misadventure. Even busted class.

 

FRIDAY

Got to the faculty to learn that stupid bitch, Beauty had spread the word around that I’d been posing as a 400Level student. Everybody was just staring at me in this odd way, even T.J and C.K. I felt like committing egoistic suicide. Some people are born evil.

 

SATURDAY

Woke up on the wrong side of bed.   No water in the hostel and no light to even cook beans. Worst of all, no money for man to blow. Went around the school looking for all these stray chicks wey no dey stay where V.C put them. Saw that bitch, Beauty going to church and for the first time in a long while I thought about God.

 

SUNDAY

Went to church to confess my sins. Afterall, the Bible said “he who prospers shall not conceal his sins” abi na “he who conceals his sins shall not prosper”? Anyway na way, jare.

Told God in my confessions that I have been a bad boy; always playing about; can’t ever stay with one chick for more than a week; cheated on my friend once; want to be a 2.1student like that stupid bookworm in my class; want to teach that Beauty a lesson she will never forget; want one girl who will be everything I’ve ever wanted in a chick….etal. Do these things for me, Dear God and I will always be a good boy.

Know what God told me in response to my prayers and requests? “You are my beloved, go and sin no more”.

By the way, I noticed this fine looking ushers at the chapel. See you all on Monday.

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